Whoever said Man's greatest enemy was himself obviously never operated one of the machines located at Ground Zero this past Thursday. Considering how much shit actually screwed up, it might lead one to believe that the cable went out for the big man upstairs, and he had nothing else to do that night besides lay down the fuck finger on the unfortunate fucks that were witness to everything fucking up.
Though our gaming menu was reduced to a length compareable to christian's alleged weiner, our resolve was not. Notable characters in this epic tale of technology versus man stepped forward to carry our flag toward victory. One man who heard the cry is named Erik Logan Coopsy-poopsy. Erik answered his call to arms with astounding and inspiring speed as the frequent "eeeerrriiiiikkkkkk its not worrrrrrrking again what should I doooooooooo" alarm sounded relentlessly through the night.
Erik was not alone during this battle of wits, another man stepped forth. Though this man's role in this tale is slightly different, it is notable of its own accord. Who is the man that fought side by side with Erik Logan Coopsy-poopsy? I'll let the suspense build for a few more seconds. This man came to battle armed with a thousand different usernames and passwords to prevent even the moust hardened veterans to ever figure out what the fuck he was trying to do. This is a man who is above cash, credit cards, debit cards, money orders, cashier's checks, and other forms of foriegn currency. This is a man who would walk into a pizza place with a check written to HIMSELF and have the audacity to say "Feed me, I have a check for me".
Christian fucking Ladas, my hat is off to you.
Despite the constant struggle with christian and other technological shit, matches were able to be held. Erik Logan Coopsy-poopsy dominated the track during Track Mania and laughed at all feeble attempts made to catch his speed or his score. However even with his swift speed and knowledge of his vehicle and course, Sir Erik was not the player of the game. Christian fucking Ladas defied ALLL odds and demonstrated knowledge that he actually knows how to drive. Though he did not win the day, I can safely say that his performance is worthy of recommendation.
Next match up is CrossFire. Erik was once again a major player with his knowledge of the human anatomy enabling him to put high volumes of lead into my fucking brain more times than I care to count. But Erik was not the only man with a lightsaber on the field of battle. He was joined by Konig, which as the great Bill Nye informs me, means King in German or something. If ever there was to be a "Sneaky bitch" award, James would win it. This little sneaky joo would pop out wherever he wanted to pop out of and say "Sneaky joo poo on you".
And then kill me. Player of the game? Koval3n.
Other games and matches were to be had such as this quake shit. A few matches of team missiony games were played where Eriks and James lightsaber's gingerly touched tips. Erik led his team to battle with superior strategy forcing his enemy into engagements that proved too costly to sustain for his opposition. The first match, Erik stands Victorious.
The second match things changed a bit. As the map spread did not allow Erik's efficient use of battle commands such as "Stop dying" and "Get over here and shoot" or even "Hey get in that thing that flies and kill stuff" to lead him to victory. Instead Konig used his ability to be a little bitch and sneak around and shoot people, at least this time I was on his team. On the defensive side we found our backs to the wall at the very end but still prevailed. When it was our turn to take the offensive, mission objectives were accomplished with alarming efficiency forcing Erik's team to regroup and reorganize faster each time. I never knew where the fuck that James kid was at, but every now and then I'd hear him say "Ok I blew it up", and I knew all was well.
Player of the game? Konig.
That's all for this weeks post, make sure your computer is working and you bring a check written out to you for the next LAN Battle.
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